This month’s course at language school is 1/2 over. I am looking forward to continue climbing this mountain of language and leave the plateau feeling of stagnation behind. However, I think that this language acquisition moves like my growth in thinking: it comes in large, infrequent growth spurts. Some people grow tired of getting ‘whiney’ updates all the time and others grow tired of a seemingly ‘upbeat’ update with no sign of weariness. To give you a glimpse into my life a bit deeper, I am hesitantly including an excerpt from my journal:

“I find that I am very uncomfortable with silence in my apartment. When things are too quiet, I hear my neighbors living life, flushing toilets, kids playing, and neighbors’ conversation. I constantly have music playing, or find myself chatting online, or talking on the Vonage phone (which I highly recommend for overseas living). The striped couch cushions are wearing thinner everyday, from the countless hours of me sitting and reading or emailing. I check blogs & email constantly. I am moving quickly through books and I can’t help but wonder if my time would be better spent out among the Italians. But the chilly weather and rain make it easy to excuse my staying indoors. I dislike cooking, doing the dishes, and the constant reminder that I am alone in this room. I have journaled more consistently than ever and talk with God even less. I can’t occupy my time enough or make it pass faster. I zone out during class and glance at the clock in hopes that the break between class is coming soon. No matter how hard I try, or tell my teammates that things are going fine or how much I enjoy it here (this much is true), I cannot escape from the notion that I must confront myself. The truth of the matter is that I know I am not alone and that God is closer than ever in these moments of deafening silence. But my soul does not always sense this. Being somewhere else than here would not force me to deal with this stuff, so I am thankful to be “here”. I just hope that it doesn’t drive me to insanity.

It’s not recorded, but I often wonder what Christ did during these lonely moments in the desert. Being our High Priest, I know he can empathize with me here in this place, but I wonder what he would say to me. Maybe the silence is all I need, maybe he can’t put into words what I need to hear because it is in confronting this silence and embracing it that I am formed, that I am able to “be” in His presence without an agenda, learning to “be still and know that He is God”. It is like two elderly lovers being with one another, exchanging no words but expressing their love for one another in silence. Perhaps, it is through such silence that we learn that love, abides…”

Please be in prayer this next week about:

  • Our team’s language ability. If we can’t speak, how will they hear?
  • Our team’s protection. The enemy is seeking to take out anyone who decides to live in the way of Christ
  • Our team’s love for Christ. That we would continue to grow in his love and extend grace to this world.

Thanks for being apart of this ministry. It really means a lot!